Five Music Genres You've Never Heard Of (And Would Probably Like to Keep It That Way)

BY MIKE MADDEN

The music world is filled to the brim with obscure music genres that just so happen to get paired with descriptions and name tags that either, A. Have nothing to do with the actual style of music, or B. Sounds like a a first grader picked two words out of the dictionary at random and said, "Yup, that's it."

And don't get me wrong; there are some genre names out there that are actually pretty cool, but those come at a rare price. Here at Fell in Love with a Drummer, I present to you the five obscure genre names, complete with music for your listening pleasure. There may be some you like, some you find amusing and some that will make you lose all hope in humanity and musical talent, but hang in there.


Seapunk

The name "Seapunk" has nothing to do with the sea or punk music. In fact, it sounds nothing like punk music at all. What was once a running online joke, turned into a cult following of electronic/rave kids with blue and pink hair with tattered clothing that looks as if it was dipped in a piranha tank. With the occasional disheveled braid and flat brimmed hat, these "dolphin art" crazed teens bop their heads to what sounds like every mother's early 90s workout video as if they taped it off the TV. Throw some Super Mario 64 sound bytes from the lady's kid playing in the next room, and you're on your way to riding an ecstasy-filled wave of crap.





Folktronica
Let's get one thing straight: folk music is an American music genre that derived from balladry and storytelling, hence the name "folk." The stories, paired with simple chord structure, told of "folks" who were like you and me: mothers, fathers, families, alcoholics, robbers, murderers. Ok, so maybe not all like you or me, but the commentary about American life was there. Folktronica (the pairing of folk music and electronica) has been used to describe bands like Tunng and Animal Collective. However, these two bands are far from it and closer related to the family tree connected to the Beach Boys, modern pop and the Brian Wilson School of Production. One could even argue that Animal Collective digs more into African rhythms and pop structure than they do with American folk. This is a stupid name. Stop using it. 



Witch House
Remember the final scene at the end of The Blair Witch Project? That's pretty much Witch House in a nut shell. When you listen to it, I always think of heavily wooded, rural areas in the middle of East Bumblefuck, Ohio where there's nothing to do but experiment with drugs at an abandoned lumber factory in the middle of the forest sporting a black hoodie. Salem, one of the genre's leading groups, combines gothic chants with heavy industrial-electronica to scare you back to your awkward teenage angst years. The music of Salem is nightmarish. Hell, everything about that band is nightmarish. Just check out their album covers and some of their videos--they make Lars Von Trier look like a PTA mom who loves cats. 



Crabcore You stand like a walking crab while playing your instrument. Yup. That is all. And may God have mercy on your soul.  Tune in 1:15 Northern Soul
Whether you want to call it a fad or a genre, Northern Soul was a huge part of the nightlife in England around the late 70s and early 80s. Northern Soul is simply American soul music that was spun at discotheques instead of the mainstream club music for the time. Listeners usually took on fashion inspired by a previous sub genre, The Mods. Followed by a predominantly white audience, when a person says to you "Hey, you got some northern soul in you" while you're making erratic movements in the bar that some people consider dancing, that's usually a good thing. Check out a video below of the Wigan Casino, one of the premier hotspots that sported this genre. Video starts at 0:16.